"In prayer there is a connection between what God and does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part."-Matthew 6:14-15 (The Message)
What does forgiveness mean to you? For some, the literal definition of this concept may seem daunting. How are we to simply let go of the wrongs that others have inflicted upon us? How are we to move on? Sometimes others hurt us so much we are changed forever. Sometimes we have to rebuild our lives.
When this happens, it can be extremely difficult to even consider the thought of forgiving our enemies.
If we can't forgive, we are only looking at our world through a human point of view. Sure, by worldly standards, we can't forgive people of the horrible acts they inflict upon us. But doesn't the Bible teach that we are not of this world? When we choose to accept and follow Jesus, we are no longer a part of this sin-filled world. We are consumed by God's amazing grace and fulfillment. Our eyes should be pointed towards spiritual eternity, not the temporary death of the world. So by God's standards, we have to forgive.
God lets go of all our sins when we choose to follow Him. He expects us to do the same. Every day we should strive to look more like Jesus, and that includes incredible, complete forgiveness. The way we treat others is how we treat God. We can't hold onto grudges, because that's not what God does to us.
So the big question is, how do we do it? How do we forgive people? Do we gingerly let them back in a position to hurt us again? Do we become a doormat? Not at all. We lean on God's guidance and provision and become wiser through it.
What we do FIRST is call on God to change our hearts. Those hurt feelings can change you into a different person and destroy your life. But if you calm down and let God into your soul, he will change your heart and teach you how to focus on Him.
Second, we decide to "wish them well." Rob Bell speaks on this in his NOOMA video series. Part of unforgiveness and hate is to wish horrible things upon someone. Let's be honest, that's usually our first gut reaction, right? But when you allow God to change your heart first, he will show you how to wish your enemy well. Pray for them. Pray that God will show them (in whatever way He needs to) what they did wrong. Pray that they will seek God and change. Pray that their life will turn around and they will know true, Godly success.
Third, decide realistic boundaries. This varies between the person and the circumstance. In most cases, you can let the person back into your life, slowly allowing yourself to trust them. Unfortunately, many other times we have to distance ourselves from the person completely. It can be dangerous to let them in . Ask God to show you what to do. He will guide you in how to deal with this step.
Remember that forgiveness is mainly for you, not the person you are forgiving. Be set free from pain and hurt feelings. When we move past it, we move closer to God.
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